"You can wear all of those expensive outfits, but you're still a little scared girl on the inside," Marianna said to her daughter. She had tears in her eyes that matched the ones that were staring at her. There was so much hurt between them and both of them were too full of pride to do anything about it.
"I knew coming home was a bad idea," Savannah said as she threw her arms up in the air. She didn't even take two steps into her mother's home before she started to resent coming home to see her. She was always foolish in thinking that this time would be okay, and that the two women wouldn't go back and forth with each other. She turned around to grab her luggage she had dropped at the door when her mother would call out to her.
"You're leaving already? You just got here."
"I thought that was what you wanted?"
"You'll just take any reason to get out of here to see me."
It's been five years since her mother relapsed, but it was still fresh in her mind and the words she said still remained with Savannah. She didn't know how to not think about everything when she looked at her mother, but here she was. She was trying.
"Come over here and give your mother a hug. I haven't seen you in a while," her mother would say while ignoring the reason why that would be. Savannah was still that scared little child who wanted nothing but her mother's love. For that reason, she was shortening the distance between her mother and herself to give her a hug.
"I just worry about you, Sav," her mother said as she buried her face into her shoulder and held Savannah captive in the hug. "You're in a big city and with all of your problems, I just don't want you to fuck it up just how you fuck up everything else."
She scoffed under her breath and pulled herself out her mother's embrace. It was another new year, and nothing's changed. They're always picking at each other for something, anything. Neither of them could ever back down She always had to get the last word, and vice versa.
"This is a bad idea," Savannah said as she fixed her Christmas hat she was foolishly wearing on her head. "I thought you'd be lonely on Christmas and I thought you'd want the company, but you rather just tear into me."
Her mother placed her hands on her hips and started to laugh at Savannah as if she could see through the bullshit she was trying to feed her. "Please, you just didn't want to be alone with that boy you're dating. Is he seeing through your cracks and stopped smelling your bullshit?," her mother genuinely asked her.
She just stared over at her mother with balled up fists and a lip that was would bleed if she bit on it any harder. She was thankful that she still had somewhat respect for her mother that she wouldn't say what was exactly on her mind at this time.
"I'm going to stay at a hotel."