"I can't believe you're leaving me." The way he said it just sounded so devastating. It just sounded like everything was ending. It just sounded so final, so finished. You could hear the way his voice broke just slightly in his tone. Broken. He was holding onto someone who wasn't there anymore. He could ask her when the sudden shift happened in her, but she wouldn't have an answer. She didn't know, she just knew that being with him wasn't where she belonged.
She knew deep down inside of her she didn't love him.
That wasn't true. There were parts of him that she loved more than anything. She knew that he loved her with his whole heart. She knew that if she needed him to do anything for her he'd be there. He loved her unconditionally. He loved her with all of her faults, and wanted to only the best for her, and wanted to mold himself into being the best guy he could be, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't that he wasn't enough, she just wanted more.
There had to more in life than being his wife and living a happy life. It sounded crazy to think about. She knew this. There wasn't anything wrong with him. It was all her. She was attracted to a certain life that she couldn't achieve with him. There wasn't anything wrong with him, it was all her. She was attracted to the darker things in life, and she couldn't faithfully stay with him. She couldn't be what he deserved. He deserved everything good in the world, and she didn't deserve him. She knew that.
He was holding onto her hand and he wasn't letting go. She just stood near him and squeezed her hand against his as she released to softest of sighs. She wishes he could understand what was going on in her head, but he couldn't. She lifted her hand up to pat his hand with hers as a gesture to soothe him at the same time she was pulling her hand out of his. He had to let her go. She was already out.
"So that's it," he said as he held onto her hand all the way until she pulled it out of his hand. He grasped onto her fingertips until she regretfully pulled her hand away. He placed his hand into his lap and looked down at the floor. "I love you, you know," he said in the last attempt to make her change her mind, and deep down she knew there was something inside of her that wishes he could.
"I know you do," she said in a very soft voice. Everything about this was heartbreaking, and she knew that there wasn't any way she could explain herself. She didn't want to see him this way, but she knew she'd hurt him. She'd tell him down the line if she stayed with him she would hurt him. It's what she does. It's all she knows how to do, but he was just so sweet it was hard to let him go.
"You're going to look back on this and realize I'm doing you a favor," she said as she looked him in the eyes. "I don't have my shit together, and I know I'll hurt you. It's what I'm best at."
Before he could say another word she placed her hands on his shoulders and leaned in to kiss him on the lips. It was just a quick kiss because she knew she wasn't going to see him again. When she pulled her lips away from his, she grabbed her purse and didn't say anything else as she walked toward the door. In a month he'll know she was right.